MindlessChatter

Have you reached a point in your life where your children are better than you at something? Can’t beat your kid at that new fangled video game? The solution is easy, take them out of their comfort zone and introduce them to a former territory of yours, the skate ring! That’s right, that dirty polyurethane floor, or maple if you’re lucky, was where you were once king of the wheel footed speed demons. The first whiff of the poorly ventilated air mixed with stench of sweaty skaters brings back memories of when you were eager to show off your new moves grooving to disco blasted through rented speakers. I was going to be the epitome of cool. Family Guy Disco Skating Season 5 Uploaded by SongFamilyGuy . - Click for more funny videos. Despite the fact that it had been at least 20 years since I had been on actual roller skates, I thought I would have no problem regaining my perceived skill, I was wrong. Have you seen those cartoons where an octopus flails helplessly on skates?...

Apparently there is a thriving black market for the left shoe and for some odd reason only the sizes 1-5 are in demand (someone should warn our father). I got a call this morning from an irate BiblioWife stating that if the school calls, I have to handle the issue because she is done with the kids. Apparently BiblioChild3 could not locate his left shoe and spent the entire morning wandering around the house looking for it (read: staring at the ceiling saying “I can’t find them.”) She opted to send the child to school in illegal sandals in the hope that the professional school staff would fail to look down the entire day. BiblioChild1 has 2 pairs of shoes, BiblioChild2 has 3 ½ pairs in various conditions from barely held together to needing duct tape. BiblioChild3 has 17 individual right foot shoes and 0 left footed ones to make a pair. This isn’t much of an issue during the summer as they either live barefoot or don thin pieces of foam that they claim are sandals (to be honest, we a...

To the lady at the bar last night… Did you have fun last night? I thought so. The other bartender and I could tell that you enjoyed yourself so thoroughly. We do have a bit of advice for you to consider next time you and your friends decide to visit to the bar: Don’t. It’s not because you didn’t tip us, nor because you and your friends stationed yourselves at the bar, taking up space when I had a full room of people trying to place orders. It was mostly your voice and high pitch cackling that really grated on our nerves. You really didn’t have to whoop and laugh at everything that your beau mumbled or after each swig of “beer”. Trust me, I enjoy a party atmosphere just as much as the next guy but the party is over when everyone around you is giving you stink eye (including the three guys that made up the rest of your group) and my patrons, potential tippers, left the bar in pursuit of an area filled with less screeching. I did find something hard to understand and I hope y...

As I type this out, I am sitting in a training room with 15 other lucky people in a training class lead by someone that shouldn’t be allowed to mold our brains. To his credit, this gentleman knows the application extremely well and has obviously coded some of the modules himself. The problem is translating that knowledge to a bunch of people who only care about the buttons they need to push to get the job done. They don’t care how the algorithm works and why it’s awesome that the function looks through 5 different tables and uses a decision tree to derive the correct value and the surely don’t need to know how each branch of the decision tree works. He may be very good at speaking to the content one on one but when he gets up in front of an audience, all his oratory skills go out the window. My favorite so far has been staring at the floor or a piece of paper while explaining how a function works. My eyes even traveled to the floor to see what he was looking at in hopes that I would ...

A song starts with a familiar intro; you start to bob your head and a smile creeps onto your face. Maybe you start your special dance moves that you normally reserve for this song. Your excitement builds as the opening lyrics present themselves on the tip of your tongue and you prepare to belt them out while launching into your rhythmic gyrations; oops….you started singing a bit to early, the words start on the next down beat…wait for it….you take a deep breath, prepared to finish off the entire first verse with one breath in sync with your masterful hip thrusts. Then it happens; these aren’t the lyrics you remember; you’ve been duped; this is completely different song that samples the music of your favorite song. “What the fuck is this?” you scream as your body is thrown off rhythm temporarily. Your body automagically adjusts to your default dance moves while your brain furiously attempts to process what went wrong. This happened to our Father this weekend during a wedding reception...

If you have ever wondered why the dad doesn’t get a baby shower or gifts, keep in mind that not all of the products that the new mother receives will be solely used by the infant. The new father will quickly become very familiar with items like: Baby Bottle Brushes . New mom will only do the first few weeks, then the lovely job of trying to get the fermenting milk out of the corners of that damn plastic hexagon shaped liquid container will be passed onto the one man with the patients to handle the task. Seat Savers . Savers? Ha! I have seen many of these over the years and I have yet to see one saved seat. Oh sure, I have seen a few that managed to protect the fine fabric from a minor (read – less than four drops) spill. But I have yet to witness a seat that that didn’t get cereal crumbs, cookie fragments and sticky somethings wedged under the protector and continually ground into the plush ass cushion. I will say that I do take particular pleasure on those days when we need to rem...