First let me apologize preemptively, J is a really nice guy, he means well, and past injuries combined with medical issues may have led to the current situation. Be that as it may, talking to him can be a bit of a challenge.
In a single conversation, he was somehow able to include:
- Flying cars and why can we have them
- Chinese cup therapy
- Ooo look at that explosion (news)
- Walking from elementary school to middle school
- Why can't they convert cars to use veg oil or natural gas, he knew a guy who had a car like that, it didn't make any pollution
I've collected a few tidbits over the past couple of months. Most of these are taken out of context, but to be fair most were never in context to begin with.
- Pointing at the tv: "what did they do? Put it on pets?"
- "I had chicken pox a bunch of times… then my family got a nice Mexican family and they had small pox…."
- "I had the same suit as Elvis the pelvis. My collar was to here, my was was here… it was black" (yes he did say 'was' twice)
- He knew the step to rock a robin…
- "My dad stoled my thing… my important thing"
- "The guys went bwhuhuh beepbeepbeep then didn't call back"
- "I ran track, I played tennis, I won trophies, I played little league baseball and pop Warner. I played basketball, I was too short I came on and there were tall guys, I didn't like it but I made the shots."
- "He made one on a muffin buy I don't remember"
- "I boxed when I was young so I'm wheeeewheeee… sounds you like some flowers?"
- "I sniffed the air because I couldn't hear. I better be careful of you'll singe my hairs"
- "I used to like hockey, before the built up the things"
- "I thought he was nurtured the way he talked…"
- Long conversation about how he meet a wrestler, got knocked 5 rows back, then he offered him beer but liked it in his shoes. Then Hulk Hogan put him back in his seat.
- "You know movies today, they can play two parts flipping and a fighting… you know the would fight with clothes on..Elvis had clothes and he wore them but it was two people"
- "Mi casa su casa….that's about as far as I can go in Spanish"
- His professional knife throwing days
- "From the time he got struck by lightning, then the doctors wanted to put him on meds, but the got died, then the guy with the 5' 4" but a marine and I saw a 57 or a 59 so that's all I worried about." (We think the lightning bit may be true)
- About the time he got into a fight with a guy and accidentally drive a pitch fork through the guy but "they swept it under the rug"
- How he made his own thousand island dressing that everyone in the restaurant wanted over their own orders. I think he was claiming to invent thousand island dressing.
- His grandma had 150 Indian kids and didn't accept welfare
- Played little league for the World Series in Mexico
- "I won a world series ring but I lost it"
- His brother had a dog that bit his alarm clock, broke his teeth
- "I don't want to eat bugs on my corn, it's like a happy motorcycle driver…."
- Described a story that was suspiciously like the knoif scene in Crocodile Dundee
- Got paid $1,000 for being an extra on a kids TV show for one day of work
- His grandpa shot Hitler in the arm during WW1
- His dad was an extra in gone with the wind and movies with Abbot and Costello
- Clark gable broke his dad's foot
- "You know those really big guys...the Dutch "
- Witnessed a fight between two Dutch guys, one threw a pool table at the other
- "If you aim a radar gun at a tree, it reads 6mph because the earth is spinning"
- His dad knew Marilyn Monroe and knew that one of the Kennedy's got her pregnant.
- He's claimed that his great grandfather was Sitting Bull and that he was 1/16th Cherokee.
Each time we meet, I make it a point to try and encourage his stories just to see what he will say next. Again, he is a great guy and is always smiling and laughing but it's getting more and more difficult to tell which "fact" actually happened and which ones he saw on late night TV.