Thursday, December 29, 2016

Things J and I have talked about...

First let me apologize preemptively, J is a really nice guy, he means well, and past injuries combined with medical issues may have led to the current situation. Be that as it may, talking to him can be a bit of a challenge. 

In a single conversation, he was somehow able to include:
  • Flying cars and why can we have them
  • Chinese cup therapy
  • Ooo look at that explosion (news)
  • Walking from elementary school to middle school
  • Why can't they convert cars to use veg oil or natural gas, he knew a guy who had a car like that, it didn't make any pollution

I've collected a few tidbits over the past couple of months.  Most of these are taken out of context, but to be fair most were never in context to begin with.

  • Pointing at the tv: "what did they do? Put it on pets?"
  • "I had chicken pox a bunch of times… then my family got a nice Mexican family and they had small pox…."
  • "I had the same suit as Elvis the pelvis. My collar was to here, my was was here… it was black" (yes he did say 'was' twice)
    • He knew the step to rock a robin…
  • "My dad stoled my thing… my important thing"
  • "The guys went bwhuhuh beepbeepbeep then didn't call back"
  • "I ran track, I played tennis, I won trophies, I played little league baseball and pop Warner. I played basketball, I was too short I came on and there were tall guys, I didn't like it but I made the shots."
  • "He made one on a muffin buy I don't remember"
  • "I boxed when I was young so I'm wheeeewheeee… sounds you like some flowers?"
  • "I sniffed the air because I couldn't hear.  I better be careful of you'll singe my hairs"
  • "I used to like hockey, before the built up the things"
  • "I thought he was nurtured the way he talked…"
  • Long conversation about how he meet a wrestler, got knocked 5 rows back, then he offered him beer but liked it in his shoes.  Then Hulk Hogan put him back in his seat.
  • "You know movies today, they can play two parts flipping and a fighting… you know the would fight with clothes on..Elvis had clothes and he wore them but it was two people"
  • "Mi casa su casa….that's about as far as I can go in Spanish"
  • His professional knife throwing days
  • "From the time he got struck by lightning, then the doctors wanted to put him on meds, but the got died, then the guy with the 5' 4" but a marine and I saw a 57 or a 59 so that's all I worried about." (We think the lightning bit may be true)
  • About the time he got into a fight with a guy and accidentally drive a pitch fork through the guy but "they swept it under the rug"
  • How he made his own thousand island dressing that everyone in the restaurant wanted over their own orders. I think he was claiming to invent thousand island dressing.
  • His grandma had 150 Indian kids and didn't accept welfare
  • Played little league for the World Series in Mexico
    • "I won a world series ring but I lost it"
  • His brother had a dog that bit his alarm clock, broke his teeth
  • "I don't want to eat bugs on my corn, it's like a happy motorcycle driver…."
  • Described a story that was suspiciously like the knoif scene in Crocodile Dundee
  • Got paid $1,000 for being an extra on a kids TV show for one day of work
  • His grandpa shot Hitler in the arm during WW1
  • His dad was an extra in gone with the wind and movies with Abbot and Costello
  • Clark gable broke his dad's foot
  • "You know those really big guys...the Dutch "
    • Witnessed a fight between two Dutch guys,  one threw a pool table at the other
  • "If you aim a radar gun at a tree, it reads 6mph because the earth is spinning"
  • His dad knew Marilyn Monroe and knew that one of the Kennedy's got her pregnant.
  • He's claimed that his great grandfather was Sitting Bull and that he was 1/16th Cherokee.

Each time we meet, I make it a point to try and encourage his stories just to see what he will say next.  Again, he is a great guy and is always smiling and laughing but it's getting more and more difficult to tell which "fact" actually happened and which ones he saw on late night TV. 


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