Have you reached a point in your life where your children are better than you at something? Can’t beat your kid at that new fangled video game? The solution is easy, take them out of their comfort zone and introduce them to a former territory of yours, the skate ring! That’s right, that dirty polyurethane floor, or maple if you’re lucky, was where you were once king of the wheel footed speed demons. The first whiff of the poorly ventilated air mixed with stench of sweaty skaters brings back memories of when you were eager to show off your new moves grooving to disco blasted through rented speakers. I was going to be the epitome of cool.
Family Guy Disco Skating Season 5
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Despite the fact that it had been at least 20 years since I had been on actual roller skates, I thought I would have no problem regaining my perceived skill, I was wrong. Have you seen those cartoons where an octopus flails helplessly on skates? I wish I could have been that graceful. Instead I found myself attempting to show my wobbly children how cool I was by stumbling toward the entrance to the rink and promptly grasping onto the wall narrowly saving my posterior from a harsh meeting with the floor. Epitome of cool my ass.
After completing ¼ of the rink in what felt like 10 minutes, Bibliochild3 slipped while negotiating a gap in the wall and bounced his face off the floor. Immediately my “no sympathy” mode kicked in; “Get up, you're fine. Keep going and you won’t feel your face anymore.” We spent the next hour creeping around the rink with the kids trying their best to stay upright. Slowly I became accustom to the movements needed to propel my self near the speed as some of the novice skaters, all the while mumbling about it being easier in years past. I even caught my self starting to say “Damn kids…” as a small being zoomed past me at 50 mph nearly taking out my legs in the process.
Towards the end of out adventure I was able to move freely around the rink without endangering anyone near me and two out of three of the kids were shuffling on their own without the aid of the wall or our arms. The best part was the next morning when BiblioChild1 was leaving his bedroom slowly and his rump in his hands; “My but hurts.” He complained, but with a smile on his face. I was moving slower than normal as well, without the smile.
Ah well, one day I will learn that I can no longer do what I was able to years ago. I have a feeling that I will soon be the victim of a “Hey kid, watch this!” injury in the near future but I bet I will look cool doing it…