Friday, April 6, 2012

Wet Heels and Light Saber Umbrellas

I almost bought a light saber umbrella today. The only reason I didn't was because I could not decide whether or not I wanted the Obi-Wan or Vader (I already ruled out Anakin, by default).
I usually don't use umbrellas, they tend to be somewhat cumbersome when not deflecting rain away from my delicate head and instead pouring it directly onto the back of my pants and shoes because I either walk funny or don't know how to hold an umbrella properly. Either way I think it primarily has to do with the fact that it rains every day in Hawaii and you start to get tired of carrying the thing around, except that I always felt a bit safer with it and wished that I had one with a hidden sword to ward off evil-doers (I have my own superhero fantasies but I won't get into that now).
I remember one night I was stuck on the wrong side of the island and had no way home, the drinks still ran through me, keeping me warm for a while. The realization that I would be spending the night somewhere amongst the homeless and drug addicts was unsettling enough, and then it started to rain. Really it was a light rain, a sprinkle maybe, but it wasn't doing anything helpful, so I decided to walk. I found out through a few phone calls that a bus would be in town to take me to the other side of the island some time around 9:30 am (it was 2:00 am) and it would be at least a two hour walk (sober)...

I felt as if I was being followed. All I had was my wallet, my phone, some headphones, and a paperclip. I began to imagine the items I could fashion in a hurry if need be: jam the paperclip into the headphone jack, I thought, to use it as a stabbing/probablymorelikescratching weapon. Use the paperclip to overload the cell phone battery and use it as an explosive, probably blow up my hands in the process. I decided the best thing to do was sleep away the fear, I made it home alright, around 11:30 the next morning.

but the point is I was cold and had no umbrella, I can just imagine how safe I would have felt if I had a light saber one.


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