Thursday, August 9, 2012

Out of the mouth of babes.....

Bill Cosby once said "Kids say the darndest things." As a father of 3 children that routinely refrain from remaining r...silent. I've noticed a few categories:

The crying babble

The child comes sprinting in to  the room trying to make as much noise as possible in an effort to demonstrate how injured he is. He pulls on your sleeve while donning the perfect injured face and starts to hyperventilate as he tries to tell you the story of the worst injury and injustice of all time.

BC2: "DAD!!! Bibliochild1 hit me!! Itoldhimnottothrowthetoyandhedidn'tlistensoItriedtotakeitfromhimandbesafeandthenhehitme" #GASP
D: "Calm down and tell me what happened."
BC2: "I didn't do anything and Bibliochild1 hit me!"
D: "You didn't do anything?"
BC2: "No!  I was just trying to take the toy away so he didn't throw it"
D: "So you tried to take the toy out of his hands?"
BC2: "….HewasgoingtothrowitatmeandIdidn'twanthimtothrowitatme…"
D: "STOP! Go back up stairs and tell Bibliochild1 that I want to talk to him"
BC2: grinning "BIBLIOCHILD1!! Dad wants to talk to you"
BC2 manages to give BC1 a shoulder shove as they pass on the stairs. 
D: "Did you hit your brother?"
BC1: "YesbuthehitmefirstItoldhimnottoandhedidn'tlisten…."

Lather, rinse, repeat.

The "important" details

My children are always trying to be in the middle of the conversation, even if (especially if) they were not originally included. Unfortunately they always seem to focus on the details that don't contribute to the story being told.

D: "I saw a car chase last night."
M: "Really? Where?"
D: "On my way home from work…"
BC1: "What color was the car?"
D: "" [back to M] "I had to pull over onto the shoulder until…"
BC1: #tugging on my sleeve "Was it a Ford?"
D: "No."
BC1: "Was the car delivered to the dealership in a trailer?"
D: "I don't know. Why does it matter?"
BC1: "Did the police have a dog with them?"
D: "I don't know."
BC1: "Did the police have a shotgun in the car?"
D: "Don't you have somewhere to be?"
BC1: "No. What do you think they feed the police dog?"

The "you're not supposed to say that here"

I was picking up the Bibliokids from school. A couple parents/guardians are there waiting for the kids to make their appearance from the far of lands known as "the playground."  A little girl (about 10) comes skipping in and upon seeing her guardian/father/parole officer, shouts "Henry!" and starts running towards him, she stops short and says "No wait.  Hi my nigga!"   Henry hisses "Shhhh! We don't say that kind of thing out in public, only at home"

The random question

Riding along in my automobile, my baby beside me at the wheel...wait...wrong story….

These types of questions usually manifest themselves while we are in the car.  It doesn't matter where we are going, where we came from or what the current topic of conversation is; the children will inevitably produce a question that is so far out in left field that I'm caught totally off guard.  Bibliowife and I could be discussing our upcoming plans when one of the creatures in the back seat will ask something like "What's the most venomous snake in Africa?" or "What would happen if you filled a soccer ball with Jell-O?"

Any others?


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